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Uproar at the St.Tosia Courier
Today, there was quite a commotion at the publisher's office of the Courier, St.Tosia's only newspaper. The Minister of National Security,the Honorable
Moe Monserrat personally appeared as a sudden thunderstorm with torrential winds and was accompanied by two of his security agents, nephews
of his, who are a head taller than he is, and wear dark sunglasses and black earpieces. Monserrat loudly took offense to an article published
yesterday by the St.Tosia Courier about the wrong doings of the Director of the Office of Disaster Preparedness and Management, a division of
the Ministry. The director of this agency happens to be Montserrat's step-nephew Jojo.
Jojo had read an article about climate change, rising
sea levels, and islands and coastal areas being endangered. He thought that the price of a role of lifesavers was very reasonable considering
the number of lifesavers in a role. He could not figure out why lifesavers were packed in roles and not in boxes. He believed it to be an
affordable way of life protection and thus, he ordered large quantities of lifesavers, so that every islander could have a lifesaver ready
when the flooding begins. How could he have known that the lifesavers he ordered are candy and not life vests? The newspaper had headlined a
report with "21 Year Old Head Of Disaster Department Acquired Lifesavers In Large Quantities". Minister Montserrat was furious and thunderous.
The offices of the St.Tosia Courier are located on the second floor above the "Palms and Pirates Souvenir Shop" on the Kaya Grande Rico. Tourists
stopped and looked up at where they heard the roaring disturbance come from and judging by the severity of the tumult, they were expecting furniture
being thrown out of the windows which would add some sensation to their vacation memories and they also learned some new Tosiatic words of grievance.
The Courier's publisher Paul Dylon remained calm as the fuming minister loudly made his points and demands. Paul, a senior citizen, has been on the
island for 23 years and knows all about the island's affairs and how to deal with the typical emotional volcanic outbreaks of the local politicians.
Not to forget that Paul is also a veteran war correspondent who served in the British Queen's Own Pigeon Message Regiment in the South Atlantic during the The Falklands War (Guerra de Malvinas). Heavy shelling never made him lose his cool and certainly not the verbal shelling on St.Tosia will do so now. Actually, Paul was
decorated with the distinguished "King Edward VIII Cross" for courageously protecting his mail pigeons with his own life under serious enemy
threats. He could have left them fly free, but Paul knew that they would be shot down like ducks on a hunting party.
Minister Monserrat roared that he would sue the Courier, the article's author, and the source of the information. When Paul Dylon calm and politely
asked the Minister: "Can we elevate the conversation, please?" Monserrat must have misunderstood him because he elevated the decibel level and
continued louder than before: "I'm going after you microphelic journalists and make you suffer in shame." He did not mention any specifics of
such though and continued: "I don't take any crap from nobody at the Courier no more." He branded the article as defamatory and disrespectful.
"You dared to print an article without even calling and asking me, the Minister of National Security. I'll put something on you tantrum torturing
toads that Mr. Clean can't take off. I want that writer to be fired. Who was your source of information anyway? I want to know and I want to
know it now!"
Typically, windows are always and every where open on St.Tosia. It may be pleasantly warm and there is always a sea breeze from the 'Tradewinds'.
The sound of air conditioners is seldom heard because they are rarely used. With all the tranquility on the island you could even hear a whisper
through an open window. Sure, there may be screens against insects but they won't mute what is said inside. Whether the news comes out of one
window or another, the reporters and the editorial staff of the St.Tosia Courier are absolutely objective about which window the information
comes from; they take things as they come and publish anything they can lay their hands on. Their general interpretation of 'News' is to get
the gossip in the paper before it is all over on the streets. Under international laws, including the Inter-American Declaration of Principles
on Freedom of Expression to which also St.Tosia subscribes, the media have the right to protect sources of information. And yes, also on the
island it is a necessity to ensure an unfettered ability to get to the bottom of a matter of great public interest and concern.
And so, the St.Tosia Courier just publishes; one day flip, next day flop, no matter what it is and where it comes from. Blank pages don't sell
newspapers!
"I don't tell the media how to do their work and I don't need a newspaper to tell how to run the government," the Honorable Minister went on like a raging storm.
"This naming and shaming of my nephew Jojo without the facts why his department bought Lifesavers must be retracted," he shouts over his
shoulder as he leaves the publisher's office and adds the threat that the government will withdraw all government advertising from the Courier.
This may prove a bit impractical since this publishing house is the only printing business on the island that has a press able to print something that
has a similarity with a news paper. Therefore they also print the St.Tosia Gazette, the official publication of the government where according
the island's constitution all official announcements and regulations, laws or appointments have to be published fourteen days before they become
effective. And so, when the Monserrat storm died down, all remained the same on St.Tosia, where things are as they are, they come as they come
and all turns out in ecstasy.
Having the daily St.Tosia Courier and the official St.Tosia Gazette under the same roof in a small publishing house can lead to mishaps.
Two weeks ago in the section "Official Government Appointments" of the St.Tosia Gazette there was the obituary of Jeremiah Jefferson who
lived more than twice as long as he had expected and he did not have life insurance. He was sadly deprived of his final wish which was to
be a magician. The obituary stated that he was survived by his five sons, three daughters, his wife and two ex-wives.
An obituary should have been published as usual in the Saturday edition of the daily Courier. But, to an oversight of someone, who it was no one can
recall, it ended up by unintentional mistake in the official government's Gazette. Yes, with much regret and the deepest sympathy St.Tosians are
thinking back of old man Jefferson. May he rest in peace. He was so anxious to be a magician. He was actually able to make two wives disappear
but never capable to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Such a sad case.
Cdr. Bud Slabbaert
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