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The most remarkable justice system in the Caribbean
Sitting on the accused bench in this Judge's no-holds-barred court for an hour can mean more mental suffering than serving a jail term of a week.
In serious cases this Judge doesn't take prisoners. Using prison facilities costs the government too much money. There are alternate ways for
severely penalizing a person. He believes in correctional detention and therefore he will convict a person to house arrest under the strict
guarding and supervision by a spouse, grandma, mother-in-law or by whomever female in that particular clan who has a proven record of
exercising correctional punishment. The Judge knows very well what the excessive power of a mad woman can do to a brainless man.
However, the court sessions of this Judge usually have a happy ending. In the milder cases he may end the court proceedings with an
abbreviated version of a William Blake poem: "Little Lamb, Dost thou know who made thee? Gave thee life and bid thee feed...?" The accused
will be reduced to tears and without exception the attendees in the court room start sobbing and sniveling. It is important to always bring
along a handkerchief to the court sessions to wipe away the tears! "...Gave thee clothing of delight, Softest clothing, woolly,
bright... Little lamb, dost thou know who made thee?" The Judge with his flair for the dramatic will pause...., and with a determined
swing, he lets his gavel hit the sound block on his desk, like the plunge of the guillotine axe and says at his sardonic best: "Go home,
stupid goat! Case dismissed!"
Who is "this" judge? The Right Honorable and Magnificent Justice Fidel Pertinax on the island St.Tosia.
He has his own peculiar ideas about achieving justice in society and is recognized for his exceptional qualities of integrity and
theatrical performance.
Every session in the white colonial style wooden courthouse with its green shutters on Kaya Diciembre Cinco is an exciting performance and
always announced on the front page of the St.Tosia Courier newspaper. Guaranteed, there are never empty seats; the sideways and stairways
are filled, and the doors to the Kaya stay open. It is like a one-man legal entertainment show. Judge Pertinax can make the audience laugh,
let them break out into tears, or he'll get them to the edge of the seats by driving up mystery and tensions. The crowd may be cheering and
waving handkerchiefs in support of a ruling.
During the court proceedings Judge Pertinax smokes thick Havana cigars although there is a sign in the court room that indicates that smoking
is prohibited. But everyone on St.Tosia knows and accepts that the Judge stands beyond and above the law. Depending on the seriousness of a
case, Judge Pertinax huffs and puffs less or more smoke which for itself creates a special atmosphere in the court room and the open court
room doors bring a welcome relief of clean air.
Bailiff Joe 'Broken-Nose' Guthrie is alert that the Judge always has a fresh drink with ice and a slice of lime on his desk. It does look like
ice water, but rumors go that there are generous amounts of white rum mixed in. From a distance one cannot see it. No one dares trying to get
close enough to smell it as that would be considered a contempt of court.
Bailiff Joe is not needed to hold the 'Good Book' at the swearing-the-truth ceremony. There is no such ritual in Judge Pertinax's court;
he doesn't believe in it. He gets to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in his own particular manner... For a moment the
Judge will be quiet and stare with a penetrating look through his spectacles at his prey. It is as if the glasses magnify his eyes...
Tension builds up... There is not a sound in the courtroom except for the faint squeaking of the ceiling fan that has a slightly out-of-whack
propeller blade. The Judge's face starts to turn mean and his hands tremble. Then, like an exploding powder keg he jumps up from his swivel
chair, points to the dupe in question and makes it clear in harsh words that he believes that he is dealing with a damned liar. To top it
off with some extra spice, the Justice does not hold back on adding: ".. and that you son-of-a-bitch may burn forever in hell!" Then he
sinks back down again in his chair and starts swiveling with his hands folded over his belly and rolls his thumbs as a clear sign that he
had made his point and is now relaxing again.
It is known in circles of the Society of Honorable Caribbean Judicial Officers that Justice Fidel Pertinax can make the windows of a court
room rattle like no one else in their membership. If need to, the inquisitive and intrusive questioning by the Judge leaves witnesses who
are beating around the bush, stutter like a busted display console and he has Joe 'Broken-Nose' usher them off the witness stand and to
the open doors at the Kaya Deciembre Cinco.
To this highly respected magistrate, a case is clear even before a lawyer on either side of the bench can make a legal case in the first place.
It turns the island's prosecuting attorney Miss Snabby Coburn into a merely necessary legal evil. It drives the defending attorneys to
desperation. But, as anywhere else in a civilized society, attorneys survive as clients come and go and especially on St.Tosia, lawyers
sit back and leave things up to Judge Pertinax in the courthouse and up to their accounting assistant in their law offices who does the
invoicing.
One only has to whisper, "lawsuit in Pertinax's court", and all mediocre issues are dropped like a hot potato. This does help to stop the
profiteering lawyers who prey like vultures on the bodies of the naive, stupid, gullible, guiltless, sheepish and oafish. Those individuals
with money and power rather settle their cases outside of court. They don't want to be exposed to the fearless and incorruptible Justice
Pertinax as he will ruthlessly tear into various aspects of any testimony, and they risk that he will put the spotlight on their private
affairs. They are familiar with the fact that this Judge will use ambush tactics, and he knows how to get skeletons out of their closets
and into the court sessions which are always open to public and press and also attended by the clerics of all religious communities.
St.Tosia has a tremendously well working justice system which is very much about this one single old Judge on the island with an impressive
face and with curly grey and white full beard, who will either look through his antique spectacles, or over its edges and subsequently is
able to see things from two different perspectives. The Right Honorable and Magnificent Justice Fidel Pertinax knows everyone and all that
is happening on the island! He knows his flock; the white sheep, the black sheep, the slammers, and the lambs. He attends all funerals and
parties, and he even has his own float in the annual St.Tosia Carnival street parade.
Cdr. Bud Slabbaert
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