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St.Tosia elections
It is election time on St.Tosia and the islanders will soon be going to the polls to vote for who will be governing the country.
Billboards of the political candidates are not allowed on St.Tosia as it is considered a defacement of the beautiful landscape and
unappealing to visitors of the island. One activist for island beautification even called it distasteful. The decree was issued ten
years ago by the Right Honorable and Magnificent Justice Fidel Pertinax, the only judge on the island.
Instead, the use of a soapbox prevails. A soapbox is a raised platform on which orators stands to engage in a flamboyant impromptu speech
pushing their social or political agenda. Speakers can elevate themselves by standing on a wooden crate. Yet, some perceive it as a form
of public mass entertainment.
Esperanza Fammagusta has announced her candidature. She was one of the contestants of the Miss St.Tosia Pageant who didn't win the title
but is now trying her luck in politics. She represents a flamboyant flavor of lusciousness and evokes a rare combination of mystery and
sensuality. With her perfectly shaped face and her graceful neck, the nearly six-foot tall statuesque-built beauty has an impeccable
sense of style that other candidates may be missing. Her appearance and presentation on the soapbox are highly anticipated to draw a
considerate curiosity and attention. The law enforcement officials on the island are considering putting crowd control fences in place.
The St.Tosia election commission is duly engaged in strengthening women' representation and participation in the electoral process. The
commission pursues the ideas and ideals of ensuring the rights and dignity of women on all fronts and further empowering them.
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Jahi Kamanda is another candidate who takes to the election soapbox. He is St.Tosia's wannabe play writer and the stereotype of the struggling
and starving artist who believes that life is an exhausting amount of work and only inspirational ideas can help renew himself. In this case
he was inspired by the compensation and benefits that parliamentarians get, and which could help himself. His performance on the sandbox come
to mind as a Shakespearian drama:
"Dost thee realize that the quality of mercy is not strain'd, it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon St.Tosia beneath. It blesseth a
candidate like me that gives but not those that take and hide thyer poison with such sugar'd words. Give every man thine ear, but few thy
voice; Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment."
Throughout its history, soapboxing has been tied to the right to speak. It is considered a hard, but necessary, process in the development
of revolutionary leaders. A skilled and effective "soapboxer" must be clever, having the ability to express his/her opinions with clarity
be able to deflect any opposition with humor. However, it will make a speaker struggle with an answer when asked:
"Could we hear about something that we care more about, and you care less about?"
Confident politicians thrive on hecklers. Some ask their friends to stand at the back of the audience and heckle him, so that he'd look good
when he hit back with a witty put-down. Yet, today's politicians hate hecklers. They think hecklers make them look weak and unpopular. Not
true. It's the politicians' fear of dissent which makes them look weak.
It is not just the candidate politicians who takes the soapbox. The prior of the Catharsis Monastery comes down from the Kalinago Hill to
praise the word of the Lord on the soapbox in this fiery election campaign period. He preaches that "a call in the very center of the soul
is more powerful than any of the contradictory forces within and around her or him"; a rule which may not always be easy to stick to on a
liberal thinking and acting island population of St.Tosia. He is accompanied by the Barefoot Friars who perform a sample of their Rocksteady
Gregorian Reggae during an intermission. Especially the solo song "Cantus Calypso Gregoriani" by the white-bearded Friar Eucredo becomes an
instant smash. It is well-known in the music world that if you let the friars on bare feet lose on a stage, they are wild crowd pleasers. As
a fundraiser their handmade orthotic friendly flip-flop sandals are sold like hot cakes.
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Some consider the St.Tosia elections to be as entertaining as a three-ring-circus. However, it is a serious occurrence and an opportunity for the
unsuccessful to be voted in for by dear family members and friends, and thus a way to share the benefits of being a politician who cares
about his/her constituency as it is expected from a politician. It supports a democratic system that distributes political power in
the hands of the public which forms the electorate. In St.Tosia, it was never quite clear whether it would result in less power for more
people or more power for less people. About one hundred votes are enough for a seat in office which pays well, provides health and pension
benefits plus a bodyguard and a private secretary of choice.
The St.Tosia elections are absolutely free and fair according to an expert assessment of an independent research think-tank at the Department
of Political Science at the University of St.Tosia.
Cdr. Bud Slabbaert
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